How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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