worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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