Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize