I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
pray to the hookup gods
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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