We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
