So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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