i already hear my dad disowning me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's never too late to be topless.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
