Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
