There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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