found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
