I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
