if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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