A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
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Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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