I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
