But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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