6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize