Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
