i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
wow bdsm is so cute
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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