it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
