I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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