He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
