His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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