I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
