My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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