Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
