hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
