Moan for me like Helen Keller
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
