Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
