Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
