and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
