A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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