love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
