the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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