I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't deserve a penis
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
