Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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