even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
