in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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