I just pynch a tree in the face
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
