I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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