It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
