Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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