let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You should frame my arrest warrant.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
