it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
