I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
