Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
