Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
