a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I love you. Go after that dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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