Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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