My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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