homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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