I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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