the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize