Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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