my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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