I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
