filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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