he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
