hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
