I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
