do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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