Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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