he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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