call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
