We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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