No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
