i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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