This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
