she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
