This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
