i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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