either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
