looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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