i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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